Have you got the thing? No, I wasn’t told about the thing. The thing is important so why don’t you have thing? You get the thing along with the other thing in your starter pack. Oh, I didn’t get any of that. Who do I ask? Don’t know, you could ask your manager or IT support. Oh, OK. Oh no, they don’t know but they told me to email thingy about the thing and maybe I can get in time before I have to be somewhere important where I can’t use the old thing I used before I knew about the new thing.
People are annoyed at you for using the thing. But why didn’t they tell me? Oh, that’s how it works in here. The walls have ears. And why is it taking so long to create this button? I could do that in 5 minutes but everyone here is taking six months. This is insane. You said insane! We have to be meticulous. But it’s costing ten times as much as it should! Why are you standing around in groups all the time and having meetings about meetings? This place makes no sense.
And you won’t get the thing in time and people complained about your shoes but didn’t tell you and the thing is important because it means you can’t use the other thing because of the stuff in the documents you were just sent. Oh my! I never knew about any of that. But you should have been told on your first day.
This is my last day.
A few weeks ago I went to UX Scotland where there was all kinds of super interesting chats and because I am a massive science dork one really caught my eye.
“Designing for visualisation systems in endovascular surgery” may be the hardest thing to say with a mouthful of Maltesers, but it also frames a presentation around how surgeons need very specific visual information during incredibly complex procedures.
Continue reading “A really interesting talk by Tim Caynes about endovascular surgery”
And it was delivered by the excellent Stephen Denning at User Vision. It turns out I know absolutely toss all about eye tracking and it’s a lot more complicated than I thought.
Here are my takeaways: Continue reading “I went to a talk about eye tracking at UX Scotland”
Jet2 have updated their booking website. The old one was horrific so let’s see what the new one has in store for this intrepid traveler!
Fine! Clear calls to action, easy to understand form. Continue reading “Jet2 Have A New Booking Engine”
I’ve been working in UX for about 10 years, first as a freelancer then as a UX designer at digital agencies. I’m now somewhere in Scotland building top secret missile launch systems for the impending Martian invasion of Earth.
During that time I’ve learned a thing or two: don’t get wax in your hair, don’t listen to The Food Babe and never ever build your interface around the minority use case. Continue reading “Minority Use Case Report”
So I was on Facebook and there was a targeted advert for sad food bores like myself and I was all like “I bet this will be an interesting ecommerce adventure” So I totally clicked on the link!
Continue reading “Lessons In Ecommerce”
Vodafone you can suck my dick you fucking wankers.
I don’t mince my words when I’m pissed off. Continue reading “Vodafone UK Are A Bunch Of Dark Pattern UX C*nts”