HMRC Have rebuilt their corporation tax submission thing


And it’s so much better, GDS pattern styling aside; a vast improvement.

Thing is, they’ve done something weird with the login that I definitely do not agree with:

Screen Shot 2018-07-01 at 10.04.03

All which I have written down somewhere and was trivial to find.

Next this screen:Screen Shot 2018-07-01 at 10.04.16Wha??

Screen Shot 2018-07-01 at 10.04.26

I’ve worked on something similar for .GOV but it was to subvert the need for a password; users could just enter their user name and have a passcode sent directly to their registered phone. I’m not sure this is what HMRC are doing and it seems like a totally unnecessary level of security.

But I might be wrong. Twitter me @colmcq.


Vodafone episode #8883732

I have no 4G access on my phone and I don’t know why. I went to the Vodafone website and there was some restriction switched on. When I switched it off Vodafone asked me to confirm my age.

And then I got this screen:


Couple questions:

  • Why force a transaction for something that doesn’t cost anything?
  • What the fuck?

Still no 4G access. Vodafone 0/10 would not recommend.

Vodafone’s fun mobile SIM installation game


As many visitors to my once not-world-famous or nearly-award-winning blog will know I really love Vodafone and its myriad UX failure. So it was the utmost of sadness that I lost my SIM card playing underwater tennis hockey.

But that’s OK cos Vodafone sent me another!


And I want you to pay extra special attention to the layout and amount of digits on that card cos it’s going to be very relevant in a bit!

Let’s trot off to Vodafone’s website and see how we can activate this bitch!

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 09.46.18

I think this page was hidden under a million layers of information architecture and I can’t recall exactly how I found it but it asks me what kind of customer I am and because I am a pay monthly customer I click ‘Pay monthly’ which brings this screen up:

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 09.39.14

So eh right how am I meant to receive the code when I am here to activate my goddam SIM card to, you know, make my phone become able to receive things like activation codes LOL (and I don’t care if you can see my number, I’m lonely; call me)Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 09.39.39

Didn’t get your code? No shit! But at least you give me the option to go through a couple steps to get to this online form:Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 09.40.48

Pay very special attention to the New SIM serial number fields which are five sets of four  and now recall what’s on my new SIM card:


3 rows of 5 and one row of 4 alpha numeric.

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 09.41.44

So when you try and enter your SIM number it doesn’t fit or accept the letter G. Oh Vodafone! You tricky pranksters!

I am defeat! Much losses! In the end, I had to phone customer services who seem to have the correct validation form on their servers, ‘natch.

But what do you think? Vodafone customer? Think they’re amazeballs? Hook me up on twitter.

BT’s Website Is A Fcking Disaster

I have been a BT customer since August 2016 and I think I’m on fairly safe ground when I say the service has been … unique.


During this time I reported a few faults to BT. Let’s see how their website allows me to keep up-to-date with a fault.

Let’s start with the homepage which is a baffling array of shiny flashy things of little relevance to my requirements:


This page screams to me something along the lines of …actually, it just screams to me.

Anyway, after locating to ‘My BT’ I get a less noisy page where I can at least see some basic account information.


But rather annoyingly no call to action to report a fault; that option is in a drop down under the ‘Help’ navigation item where it leads us to this page, where the real fun begins!


I want you to pay attention to that bit in the lower right where it says ‘You don’t have any faults to track’ because I’m pretty fucking sure I do!

After following the instructions to click the Troubleshoot button beside Broadband in the left hand panel, I get the following screen.


See, there is a fault! Although it’s listed as a Landline problem and not broadband. So confuse! But I’m sure there will be an excellent clarification when I click the ‘Track this fault’ button lower right of the yellow box, right?


Aye, get tae fuck big man!

But let’s step back in time and revisit this panel.


Like those kids that discovered a secret world behind the wardrobe in the kitchen, I discovered a secret path to a world of fault documentation via a series of annoying intermediary windows!


It should be noted BT’s website has Alzheimers ‘cos its forgotten my phone number.


Aaaaannnnnd my account number.

After clicking Continue we arrive at Tech fault Narnia, Woo-Hoo!8

This is more descriptive and at least gives me hope something is happening; but if I’m being honest I am a broken man. A hollowed out husk of a human. My life force has been sucked from me and I walk the planes between this life and the next clinging onto what possessions I have left; two Babymetal T-shirts and a battered old HTC mobile phone with cracks across the front where I hit it with bloodied fists after getting so frustrated with BT’s ‘Service’.

I  think the only thing I can do is write a formal letter of complaint and close my account.

But what do you think? Are or were you a BT customer? Can you recommend me a better supplier? PLEASE!