Well fucksticks, I was made redundant a few weeks ago and have been forced to join the great unwashed, feckless masses until I secure my next tiptop multi-million pound employment opportunity designing rocket launch trajectory systems for ISIS (JOKE!!)
One upside is I get to laugh at the technological black hole of inordinate stupidity that are the design decisions dotted around the job centre office, like this wee gem:
And for the rest of this post I’m going to adopt an Irvine Welsh narrative because ah fuckin can ya wee bam. Continue reading “The Job Centre Has A New Useless Contraption”
As many visitors to one of my four once-world-famous-almost-award-winning blogs know I am really unlucky when it comes to telecommunications; from dodgy dark patterns via Vodafone’s satanic website to getting my phone stolen by an acquaintance of Kevin Bridges in a bar fight, verily sirrah! Electromagnetic radiation must fucking despise me! Continue reading “BT’s Website Is A Fcking Disaster”
Remember this wee gem?
This screen allows you to control what extra data packages are active on your account. This screencap is from August and tells me an extra 2GB and 15GB packages are active and the 1GB is inactive. Continue reading “Vodafone’s Kafka-esque Dark Pattern”
I encounter a lot of this: “We need a mobile app for our company!” and more often than not I be all like “no you don’t!”.
Remember: downloading and installing an app is a pain so there must be some compelling reason to install the damn thing!
I thought I would ask some questions that might help you decide whether or not your company needs a mobile app. Continue reading “Do you need a mobile App?”
Vodafone you can suck my dick you fucking wankers.
I don’t mince my words when I’m pissed off. Continue reading “Vodafone UK Are A Bunch Of Dark Pattern UX C*nts”
Technically it got stolen during a bar brawl involving top international comic Kevin Bridges and some Clydebank locals.
And lo! It came to pass that I had to get a new phone and I got an Android HTC, which is really cool (apart from some funny glitches with cycling app Strava) so I guess this post is all about why I decided not to get a new iPhone.
1)iTunes. Fuck iTunes I hate that pile of trash so much. Having to key in your password every time you want to install a free app. Having to create a crappy iTunes account just to activate your phone. Fuck this shit. I hate you iTunes. And WTF is this ‘Get’ so I end up having to click Get then Install? WTF is the point of that??
2)You can’t download stuff. Which means when you want to add attachments to emails or send documents to the local council, you can’t.
3)Er, that’s it.
As many visitors to my other websites know I like to shop for stuff and a lot of the time I use a mobile. And here’s one thing I am sure of: even in 2016 mobile ecommerce sucks balls. Here’s why Continue reading “Ecommerce Mistakes That Make Mobile Checkouts So Tricky”