The Job Centre Has A New Useless Contraption

Well fucksticks, I was made redundant a few weeks ago and have been forced to join the great unwashed, feckless masses until I secure my next tiptop multi-million pound employment opportunity designing rocket launch trajectory systems for ISIS (JOKE!!)

One upside is I get to laugh at the technological black hole of inordinate stupidity that are the design decisions dotted around the job centre office, like this wee gem:

pad

And for the rest of this post I’m going to adopt an Irvine Welsh narrative because ah fuckin can ya wee bam.

So ah wuz doon the job centre ken aye, as the last drops o’ ma skag wur wearin aff. Ahn before the shivers set in ah hut tae sign oan.

And the wee guy wuz sayin’ that ah hud tea gee a wee signature oan wan ai these wee boxes an that ah hud tae sign it six times in a row, ken. SIX FUCKEN TIMES FUCK SAKE.

So ah was askin’ “why dea ah huv tea sign anyhen, ken?” an the wee guy wuz all like “ah well, they introduced these hings a few years ago and we just have tae; ah hink so folks doesny fake stuff, aye” and ah was all like “aye, go oan then, ah’ll gee it a wee go”

So thur ah wuz, signing the wee fucken hing o’ar and o’ar and the stupid bastard hing wouldnae approve ma signature cos they were too fucken different each time so there ah wuz gettin all stressed and subconsciously changin’ ma signature and oan and oan this went and the wee guy wuz all like “aye, we had one guy signing it o’ar 50 times. Sometimes we just get folks tae sign their initials” and ah was all like “this fucken hing doesnae fucken wurk” so then ah was like tae the wee man “cun ah jus no draw a wee line?” an he was all like “aye sure big man, oan ya go” so ah just fucken ended drawing a fucken straight line 7 or 8 times till the wee bastard machine approved it.

And here’s the funny thing. I had to fill out a form later in the day and return it to the job centre. When I asked one of the staff if I should use the signature (straight line) I did during the machine test she was all like “ach, doesny matter!”

I’m sure fraudulent claims are a ‘thing’ but using a digitally approved signature to verify someone’s ID turns out to be deeply flawed. Photo ID much? Address based documentation at all?

And I have no idea why they ask for six times Submit validation. Why not three? Does the algorithm suck that much it needs six versions?! It makes the process impossible and forces users to adapt signatures into something far less robust rendering the entire process utterly redundant.

But what do you think? Think it was a way of giving massive amounts of cash to the private sector? Maybe you worked on this project and can fill me in on missing info?

@colmcq

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One thought on “The Job Centre Has A New Useless Contraption

  1. Most of my older relatives have died in the last few years and left me property and BIG piles of cash, and the best part of this all is I’m highly unlikely to have to deal with THESE FUCKIN’ CUNTS ever again. Thanks for reminding me to feel good about being independently wealthy and safe from that shit!

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