As many visitors to one of my four once-world-famous-almost-award-winning blogs know I am really unlucky when it comes to telecommunications; from dodgy dark patterns via Vodafone’s satanic website to getting my phone stolen by an acquaintance of Kevin Bridges in a bar fight, verily sirrah! Electromagnetic radiation must fucking despise me!
I have been a BT customer since August 2016 and I think I’m on fairly safe ground when I say the service has been … unique.
Anyhoo, I’m just going to focus on how fucked their website is; more out of despair rather than hoping BT get enough of their shit together to actually do something about it.
Let’s start with the homepage which is a baffling array of shiny flashy things of little relevance to my user journey “I want to see stuff relevant to my BT service”.
This page screams to me something along the lines of …actually, it just screams to me.
Anyway, after locating to ‘My BT’ I get a less noisy page where I can at least see basic account information.
But rather annoyingly no call to action to report a fault; that option is in a drop down under the ‘Help’ navigation item where it leads us to this page, where the real fun begins!
I want you to pay attention to that bit in the lower right where it says You don’t have any faults to track. Because I’m pretty fucking sure I do!
After following the instructions to click the Troubleshoot button beside Broadband in the left hand panel, I get the following screen.
See, there is a fault! Although it’s listed as a Landline problem and not broadband. So confuse! But I’m sure there will be an excellent clarification when I click the ‘Track this fault’ button lower right of the yellow box, right?
Aye, get tae fuck big man!
But let’s step back in time and revisit this panel.
Like those kids that discovered a secret world behind the wardrobe in the kitchen, I discovered a secret path to a world of fault documentation via a series of annoying intermediary windows!
It should be noted BT’s website has Alzheimers ‘cos its forgotten my phone number.
Aaaaannnnnd my account number.
After clicking Continue we arrive at Tech fault Narnia, Woo-Hoo!
This is more descriptive and at least gives me hope something is happening; but if I’m being honest I am a broken man. A hollowed out husk of a human. My life force has been sucked from me and I walk the planes between this life and the next clinging onto what possessions I have left; two Babymetal T-shirts and a battered old HTC mobile phone with cracks across the front where I hit it with bloodied fists after getting so frustrated with BT’s ‘Service’.
I think the only thing I can do is write a formal letter of complaint and close my account.
But what do you think? Are or were you a BT customer? Can you recommend me a better supplier? PLEASE!